When you've had an "and" and you're back to "or"

.... makes the "or" mean more than it did before..... (From Stephen Sondheim's Into the Woods)

I was chatting with a dear friend of mine and we were talking about life, love, and a bunch of assorted topics when I realized my first "diet."  It was a self-imposed restriction on peanut butter.  My father loved to take big heaping spoonfuls out of the jar and just eat it like that.  Somewhere in my mind I associated those big spoonfuls with being unhealthy.  I knew how it was calorically dense and most peanut butters had added fats (oils, binding agents) and salt (for taste).  I decided that I could only have one PB&J a month.  That was my first "diet" or food rule.

It wasn't a total denial that I couldn't have something, but it was a recognition that, for me, it was a sometime food.  Now I'm not strict about it anymore, but I do make sure that I get the good peanut butters (with no added junk) and that I eat it sparingly in the context of a balanced diet. 

And you know what happened? I didn't die.  I didn't binge.  I didn't feel deprived.  I had something to look forward to.  I feel that way about many more things now.  I rarely buy ice cream or steak (unless it's grass grown).  I have only ever bought 1 jar of Nutella in my life.  I don't keep chips at home.  And while there are days when I crave it, I know the feeling will pass.